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Agnes Beacher

[ profile | a soul lost ]
[ history | a past forgotten ]

i can has cheezeburger [Nov. 10th, 2007|06:15 pm]
Agnes Beacher
 kitties on drugs
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speaking of which... your eyes [Nov. 3rd, 2007|11:55 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |contemplativecontemplative]
[tunes... |smashing pumpkins]

i need a list of things to do before i die.
1. sell a painting
2. write a book
3. get it published
4. get twin cats - brother and sister - and name the Dinah and Beast
5. back pack south america
6. back pack south africa
7. get my BA and teaching credential
8. go skinny dipping
9. shave my head
10. get my wing tattoo

theres more, but thats for later.

live today, but never forget about tomorrow.
things are good right now. probably a little too good. im happy, and that one side of the spectrum. i feel the joy underneath it and i know that i have to push past the fleeting pleasure to revel in the contentment, but its hard.
all of its hard. there are frustrating days. there are beautiful days too though.

im trying to take every opportunity to be a human being right now. 

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symphonic metal [Aug. 7th, 2007|09:42 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |okayokay]
[tunes... |within temptation]

my mama likes Within Temptation so much she wants a cd for her car.
sometimes shes absolutely amazing.
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paws [Jul. 31st, 2007|07:36 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |sleepysleepy]
[tunes... |fob]

padfoot very well may end up savaging my lap top before the end of august.
honestly. madness.

i think im gonna take a break from here for a while. you know where else to find me.
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its me and you [Jul. 29th, 2007|07:36 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |contemplativecontemplative]
[tunes... |tegan and sara]

its really really difficult.
and theres nothing i can do to make it any easier.
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hours [Jul. 27th, 2007|03:47 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |goodgood]

i've missed this place, disgustingly enough.

we're getting a cat. ^_^
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fizz pops [Jul. 25th, 2007|08:07 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]

everythings better now. or at least its not getting any worse... the trick is to keep breathing and saying that everything will get better. cause it will. you just gotta say it enough. you'll start believing it after a while.

not that things are good. its just better.

and im still very very tired.

yay for therapy wednesdays.
blah.
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sleepers debt [Jul. 23rd, 2007|10:05 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]

he calls.
and im barely functional.
speach impedimented by the mere 5 hours of sleep in the 44 hours since i had last seen a bed.

but im better now.

and we're good.

and things will be just fine.
even if theyre not.
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door to door, 35 hours [Jul. 22nd, 2007|02:00 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]

H O M E
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fizz pops [Jul. 20th, 2007|08:02 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]
[tunes... |the parlotones]

i just broke a nail.

and my mommy caught be buying cigarettes.

ill be home on sunday afternoon. gimme a call.
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hali-bat [Jul. 18th, 2007|12:27 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |happyhappy]
[tunes... |keane]

so we chatted about charlie manson and pineapples. and it was nice. very very nice. ^_^

and here i sit stealing my uncle's south african and british music and feeling quite content with myself.

its getting down to the wire now.

no no. i could never be one of charlie's girls. i like showers too much. and im not a hippy. thankfully.

the patterns make my mommy cakes dizzy. hehehehe.
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ALmost [Jul. 16th, 2007|02:12 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]
[tunes... |Mika]

blah
we decided to talk about it when i get home. in the mean time i call every other day or so and try to make the best out of... well... i donno.

its less than a week now.

im gonna buy the Mika cd in twenty minutes if my dad decides to show up. im sitting out side of this restaurant mooching off of their wireless internet, hoping not to be asked to buy anything cause i really dont have cash on me, downloading my dad's email and playing samples if this british guy with a rediculously high pitched voice...
do you see the retardedness of it all?

BOO
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tell me life is... [Jul. 14th, 2007|04:16 am]
Agnes Beacher
a week and a day
kill me
sigh. he calls to say he's not sure... whats that supposed to be?

i'll never say the words and change my mind. never again.
especially not from a million miles away
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(no subject) [Jul. 9th, 2007|12:47 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]
[tunes... |manson]

im being accused of wasting shampoo.

have i mentioned that i miss home?
because i do.
alot alot alot.

anyway, things are fine. if you care, im gonna be home on sunday the 22nd, late ish, so gimme a call and we'll make plans.

blah blah blah.

now im being rushed.
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shorter [Jun. 12th, 2007|11:41 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]
[tunes... |veronica mars]

days are now hours that are turning into minutes...
i dont wanna be out of his arms for even one second.
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we ride rollercoasters into the ocean//we feel no emotion as we spiral down... [Jun. 10th, 2007|03:21 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]
[tunes... | --]

my goodness.

what is there to say.
other than that its done.
done done done.

highschool's over.

woot.
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entrophy [Jun. 8th, 2007|08:21 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |thoughtfulsentimental]
[tunes... |msi]

and we sat on the hood of the car in the pouring rain, blasting the music so much we shook. and that was enough, you know, just sitting there, the cigarette smoke dissipating into the inky blackness of the night, huddled together on the hood of isabella.

its funny what music makes you remember.
hey its alright, my life has never been a bed of roses...
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this far [Jun. 7th, 2007|10:40 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |confusedconfused]
[tunes... |manson]

i dont understand human relationships.
i dont understand human communication.
i dont get how people function in the context of one another.
its so complex, just one sentence... your words can be misconstrued so easily, but explaining yourself is so difficult.
body language KILLS me because there is no dictionary for how people move.
everything is so subtle. nothing just is. nothing just happens. its calcuated, precise and measured.

and i just dont get it.

---

high school is over.
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shake it [Jun. 7th, 2007|07:54 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |soresore]
[tunes... |radio]

carpet burn on my elbows and hip.
wrestling learnt me well, i think.
lol.
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unsafe [Jun. 6th, 2007|12:22 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |excitedexcited]
[tunes... |manson]

they say they dont want fame.
but they lie.

i cant wait to get famous.
tomorrow.

lol.
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amazing times [Jun. 5th, 2007|10:49 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]
[tunes... |manson]

i post
therefore
i am.

it was the seventies, i swear.
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pictures and arms [Jun. 5th, 2007|08:07 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]
[tunes... |radio]

three hours worth of phone calls,
sitting on the balcony
in the cold
listening to you
the waterfall in the background
lamenting the distance
a growing distance

at least you love me
^_^
happy jackie
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grr [Jun. 4th, 2007|04:34 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |busybusy]
[tunes... |jack off jill]

finals week
not that it matters
hi ho to college i go
in the mean time
i have CRAP to do
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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terror [Jun. 3rd, 2007|07:02 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |confusedconfused]
[tunes... |manson]

im feeling kinda weird
kinda scared
kinda hopeless
kinda empty
kinda lonely
kinda isolated
kinda narcisistic
kinda masochistic
and very confused.

ohwell.
i blame mr. manson.

WE ARE GOING TO THAT CONCERT.
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hottest chicks of metal tour [Jun. 2nd, 2007|10:44 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |happyhappy]
[tunes... |within temptation]

metal is just better live.
i still cant hear out of my right ear.
im gonna go take a shower, count my bruises and go back to sleep.

amazing night.
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poof [May. 31st, 2007|09:38 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |tiredtired]
[tunes... |hidden palms]

im ready for this highschool thing to just be gone...
but its more than that
im ready for summer - for the time here and for the time in the mother land
im ready for the sun and the sand and the cold and the rain
im ready for hours in his backyard
and tan lines before the bundling up begins
im ready for college
im ready to walk down streets and not know a soul
im ready to drive
im ready to sleep
im ready to walk out of this house, this town, this state of being.

most of all, im ready to take him up on his offer.
but that will have to wait several more months...
more like a year.
we'll see how things go...

^_^
me oh my

life is amazing.
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breaking point [May. 30th, 2007|05:37 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |annoyedannoyed]
[tunes... |beck]

i donno how much more of it i can take.
you're a joke, thats all there is too it.
shut up and grow up.
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introspection [May. 29th, 2007|06:01 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |pensiveremoved]
[tunes... |infected mushroom]

i feel so far removed from it all...

i need to talk to him before he goes
but i realize
that it doesnt really matter
- things are effervenscent
people just dont believe me
theres nothing out there
except for emptiness
and as long as you can fill that emptiness
with something
- anything
that doesnt get in the way of others
youre set
- theres no big answer
- theres no solution
- the grass isnt greener on the other side
- and deep down were all miserable
but, like
thats the way its supposed to be
nobody is waiting in the wings to save you
its not going to happen
you save yourself
nobody gives a shit about you
and why should they
you dont care about them
you want them to save you
not the other way around
people are narcisistic and selfcentered
everyone is
nobody wants to hear your problems
youre just a burden to them
and theyre just a burden to you
but it honestly doesnt matter
all of this shit
all of this STUFF
it goes away
and it doesnt matter
its not like you can change the world
its not like the world can change you
fill the emptiness with things that dull whatever it is you need dulling
go through the motions
feel free to give up and check out
its your life
its not the end of the world for anyone else.

i was a pterodactyl
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shitty stuff [May. 28th, 2007|11:08 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |annoyedannoyed]
[tunes... |infected mushroom]

i need to get my liscene. ive been so spoilt having boyfriends with cars... and now things have DEFINATLEY changed.
i need to get my liscene. NOW.
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hey mr DJ... [May. 27th, 2007|10:08 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]
[tunes... |coolio]

wow
wow
wow
wow
im
so
tired.

its too early to be listening to coolio...
dont care.
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case open case shut [May. 23rd, 2007|08:37 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |annoyedannoyed]
[tunes... |fall out boy]

i dont belong here anymore.
i dont think i ever did.
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dear shadow [May. 22nd, 2007|04:50 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |pissed offpissed off]
[tunes... |fall out boy]

never trust a raver

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fine [May. 22nd, 2007|07:17 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |happyhappy]
[tunes... |soulwax]

you must think im crazy, how i bounce between this mature picture ive painted and the little girl who just wants to play.

std today.
should be fun
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lost [May. 21st, 2007|04:12 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |contemplativecontemplative]
[tunes... |american mcgee's alice]

the girl he had and let get away is getting married soon. he still knows her walk from 5 blocks away.
she killed his brain the other day...
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(no subject) [May. 21st, 2007|07:49 am]
Agnes Beacher
meladrama.
im too tired for this game.
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replay [May. 20th, 2007|02:18 pm]
Agnes Beacher
1. Where is your cell phone?:
pocket
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?:
around
3. Your hair?:
ponytail
4.your mother?
downstairs?
5. your father?
with my mom?
6. Your favorite item?:
mp3 player
8. Your favorite drink?
diet coke
9. Your dream car?
meh...
10. The room you are in?:
study
11. Your ex?
dont care
13.What do you want to be in 10 years?
alive
14. Who did you hang out with last night?:
tom
15. What you're not?
100%
16. Muffins?
too good
17: One of your wish list items?
ipod
18: Time?:
the time has come
19. The last thing you did?:
shopping
20. What are you wearing?:
tom's sweatshirt
22. Your favorite book?:
vonnegut
23. The last thing you ate
jordan almonds
24. Your life?
busy
25. Your mood?
decent
26. Your friends:
crazy
27. What are you thinking about right now?:
business
28. Your car?
woot
29. What are you doing at the moment?:
listening to alice in wonderland
30. Your summer?:
gone
31. Your relationship status?:
totally worth it
32. What is on your tv?
veronica mars
33. When is the last time you laughed?:
last night - tickle fight
34. Last time you cried?
not sure
35. school?
ALMOST OVER
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meet and greet [May. 20th, 2007|02:12 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |okayokay]
[tunes... |alice in wonderland]

"'really...
well, my name is alice and im following a white rabbit so...'

'you cant go yet!
no the visit has just started'"
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eat me drink me [May. 19th, 2007|03:48 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |sleepysleepy]
[tunes... |fall out boy]

ive been having alice moments alot.
my favorite one happened last night...
i was terribly tired and sitting on the steps in the dark of toms back yard, staring at the pebbly ground and i kinda just fell into the moment and grew HUGE and then REALLY small and back and forth, just changing back and forth till tom brought me back to reality.
oh alice.
im so tired
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putting things in your back pockets doesnt slim you down [May. 18th, 2007|07:50 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |happyhappy]
[tunes... |soulwax]

mmm
parking lot lovin'
and when i say lovin'
i mean making a spectical of ourselves
ourselves being mora me and jake
and i giggled like i havent giggled in AGES
good day.
today should be amazing too ^_^
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fright [May. 16th, 2007|08:22 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[tunes... |fatboy slim]

facebook depresses me.
on the brighter side, i talked to lisa winter!
on the darker side, im turning into lisa winter...
but i dont mind too much.

im not sure what, but something feels off...
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set my clocks early [May. 15th, 2007|09:01 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |excitedexcited]
[tunes... |fall out boy // mr bungle]

schoolness
this week
-MONDAY - STAT FINAL, WORK
-TUESDAY - PSYCH AP
-WEDNESDAY - STAT FINAL (round II), WORK
-THURSDAY - GEO PRESENTATION, ECON DISTRICT ESSAY, PSYCH FINAL
-FRIDAY- SLEEP
-SATURDAY- SLEEP
-SUNDAY- WORK, PIANO RECITAL

next week
-MONDAY - ???
-TUESDAY - STD (senior transition day//post senior day)
-WEDNESDAY - ???
-THURSDAY - ???
-FRIDAY- ???
-SATURDAY- ???
-SUNDAY- PROM

dead week
-MONDAY - off
-TUESDAY - ???
-WEDNESDAY - ???
-THURSDAY - ???
-FRIDAY- ???
-SATURDAY- LACUNA COIL???
-SUNDAY- ???

finals
-MONDAY - ???
-TUESDAY - GEO FINAL
-WEDNESDAY - "STAT FINAL"
-THURSDAY - ECON FINAL, "PSYCH FINAL"
-FRIDAY- LITTON "FINAL"
-SATURDAY- ???
-SUNDAY- ???

and then its a week and then im GONE for a DAMN long time and then im back and then im here and then im in sonoma and then... OMG ITS THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!
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its so easy [May. 14th, 2007|03:18 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]
[tunes... |fatboy slim]

techno to sooth my anxious soul...
fall back into oblivion
let your brain slip
further
and further
down
the rabbit hole.
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dont jump [May. 13th, 2007|10:25 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]
[tunes... |fatboy slim]

these merry go rounds
these roller coasters
these dreams and lies
these hours and tears
these forget me nots
and lolly pops

now i sleep in anarchy
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wefijwfvnbrjgbvuerahgur [May. 12th, 2007|11:38 pm]
Agnes Beacher
we got more bounce in california
than all yall combine

and i dont care if thats and incorrect quote

imma tired
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isnt it messed up [May. 12th, 2007|03:54 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |goodgood]
[tunes... |fatboy slim]

better living through chemistry...

chinatown jeans and fatboy slim
kalifornia druggie druggie druggie druggie...
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apply pressure [May. 12th, 2007|08:35 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]
[tunes... |fall out buy]

hey buddy, you dont wanna do that...

and ps - my foot stopped bleeding.

quite a night quite a night.
im really glad i didnt wear mascara...
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freak [May. 9th, 2007|06:04 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |annoyedannoyed]
[tunes... |nin]

my phone-a-phobia is back.
well.
kinda.
im scared of answering it. texting is safer.

sigh.
i donno.
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guess what [May. 5th, 2007|06:39 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |exhaustedexhausted]
[tunes... |nin]

so the library called
and guess who's got fear and loathing.
HA sam!
HA.

ps. i hate ativan.
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^_^ [May. 3rd, 2007|10:42 pm]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |sillysilly]
[tunes... |NIN]

they call me esh (10:42:19 PM): wow

Daisy Daisy...
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seep [May. 2nd, 2007|08:12 am]
Agnes Beacher
[attitude... |contemplativecontemplative]
[tunes... |nin]

i was up above it
i was up above it
i was up above it
i was up above it
now im down in it
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